{"id":14287,"date":"2018-10-22T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-21T23:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/flashpack.preview.uk.com\/2018\/10\/22\/why-people-who-live-single-are-often-the-least-selfish-of-us-all\/"},"modified":"2023-05-11T09:35:27","modified_gmt":"2023-05-11T08:35:27","slug":"people-live-single-not-selfish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/solo\/relationships\/people-live-single-not-selfish\/","title":{"rendered":"Why people who live single are often the least selfish of us all"},"content":{"rendered":"

With more and more people flying solo<\/a> around the world, being single has evolved from a life stage to a state of being<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Increasingly, it’s something that people are actively seeking out, as a means of finding fulfilment and purpose<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Read more: Can adventure help you live longer?<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

And yet, a common myth persists: that this demographic are somehow selfish for not “settling down” and taking the time-honoured path to marriage and babies.<\/p>\n

Invariably, single people DO enjoy more freedom than those\u00a0with kids, spouses or in long-term relationships. Not always, but often: they have more time and head space to focus on what they want.<\/p>\n

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However, contrary to common perception, research shows that this freedom actually makes them LESS insular and more community-minded.<\/p>\n

“On the average, single people are the ones tending to their friends and neighbours and siblings and\u00a0parents. They are the ones showing up when other people need help,” says social psychologist\u00a0Bella DePaulo, writing in Psychology Today<\/a>.<\/p>\n

“On the average, it is the couples who\u00a0move in together or who get married\u00a0who look at each other and say, ‘We\u00a0are the world. Everyone else can just take care of themselves.'”<\/p>\n

Read more: 5 daring desert adventures to book right now<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

DePaulo has dedicated her career to the study of single life<\/a>,\u00a0aiming to redress an entrenched academic bias that has almost entirely ignored this growing lifestyle choice.<\/p>\n

“I\u2019m single, always have been, always will be,” she writes on her website<\/a>. “Single is how I live my best, most authentic, most meaningful life.”<\/p>\n

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Research highlighted by DePaulo includes a 2016 study that shows single people nurture better relationships<\/a> with neighbours and friends than their married counterparts.<\/p>\n

In contrast, those in long-term relationships turn inwards, and are less likely to reach out to those around them, in a habit sociologists refer to as “greedy marriage”<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Read more: Quiz – find your adventure personality<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

If you think about it, this makes sense. Everyone knows that vanishing act<\/a>\u00a0some mates pull off when they first plunge into relationships. Even if this effect dilutes over time, a romantic relationship will inevitably eat up people’s attention and energy; all the more so when they have kids.<\/p>\n

So, far from being uncaring or selfish, it is single people who fill the gap: they are the ones with the time and emotional space to reach out to those around them.<\/p>\n

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The effect extends beyond that, though. Papers show that single people value freedom more<\/a>, which leads to greater happiness (perhaps because this freedom leads to\u00a0more time<\/a>, greater investment\u00a0in relationships<\/a> and more scope to be kind to others<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 all elements that, in themselves, are linked to happiness).<\/p>\n

And naturally, this happiness again means that they are less insular and more receptive to others.<\/p>\n

Read more: Life is better in your 40s than your 20s<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

This isn’t a hard and fast rule, of course. Some married people may be hugely nurturing to their neighbours, some single people may only care about themselves.<\/p>\n

But there is nothing inherently “selfish” about not wanting to hook up or have kids. Often, it has the opposite effect.<\/p>\n

No man is an island and single people can frequently be found swimming the choppy seas.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Live your best adventure life with these three epic escapes<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Paddle-board around the beaches and lagoons near Paraty with a day-long private boat trip, and party in the samba clubs of Rio de Janeiro: it’s all happening with our Brazil adventure.<\/p>\n

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Abseil down Table Mountain in Cape Town, swim with seals and learn how to paddle-board on the Cape Peninsula. Our trip to South Africa is an adventurer’s delight…<\/p>\n

Let’s go<\/a><\/p>\n

Photos from Flash Pack and Shutterstock<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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