{"id":13860,"date":"2018-07-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-25T23:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/flashpack.preview.uk.com\/2018\/07\/26\/is-solo-travel-okay-if-youre-in-a-relationship\/"},"modified":"2023-07-31T11:14:46","modified_gmt":"2023-07-31T10:14:46","slug":"solo-travel-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/solo\/travel\/solo-travel-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Is solo travel okay if you’re not single?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Solo holidays aren’t necessarily singles holidays. Andrew Dickens explains why it’s healthy to travel alone when you’re in a relationship.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

There is a certain type of couple \u2013 you know them \u2013 who declare that they are effectively the same person, just in two separate bodies, which means it was fate or a near-impossible twist in the space-time continuum that they met.<\/p>\n

They say things like, \u201cshe\u2019s like a female me,\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t believe how we\u2019re both really<\/em> into the same things, like eating and breathing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more: Solo travel cures a very modern insecurity<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

You might find this sweet, you might find it nauseating, but one thing you won\u2019t find it is true. No matter how happy a relationship, how deep the love, in some of life\u2019s departments, we all want different things.<\/p>\n

It might be what to have for dinner, whether we get a cat or a dog, or our taste in soft furnishings \u2013 and sometimes, it\u2019s how we want to spend our holidays.<\/p>\n

The rise of solo travel in relationships\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

You like a beach holiday, they have an insatiable urge to climb things. Or it\u2019s city break versus spiritual retreat.<\/p>\n

The logical answer is to have separate holidays (as well as holidays together), and it seems Brits are being logical; a recent survey by Travelzoo<\/a> showed that 60 per cent of all solo travellers are either married (43 per cent) or in a relationship (17 per cent).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a lovely concept, but is it really practical?<\/p>\n

Read more: 5 essential podcasts to take on your next adventure<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Most of us have limited annual leave and limited finances; pennies spent on solo holidays are pennies you can\u2019t spend on a holiday together. Yet we also have our own desires and ambitions. So, should we do it? And if we do, how will it affect our relationship?<\/p>\n

\u201cDifferentiation is very important in a relationship,\u201d says Sarah Alpert<\/a>, a psychosexual and relationship therapist. \u201cIt\u2019s about allowing ourselves to be separate in order to be together. The opposite of that is enmeshment, where people lose their sense of self, become inseparable. This is not good and is usually a symptom of trust issues. Two individuals make for a healthy couple.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, that\u2019s encouraging. It certainly helps alleviate any guilt for being a little self-centred.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m doing it for us<\/em>, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n

Is solo travel worth it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

One person who is fully on board the solo travel train, quite literally, is Flora, a 26-year-old PR, who this year discovered the joys of travelling alone<\/a> without her long-term boyfriend, Alex.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve often travelled alone with work and enjoyed it,\u201d she says, \u201cbut I\u2019d never done it for pleasure. This year, Alex\u2019s step-dad had an operation, so he didn\u2019t want to be away. I used the opportunity to spend 10 days travelling around Italy by train, which is something I\u2019d always wanted to do, but not something Alex would want to do.<\/p>\n

Read more: Friendly towns for solo travel newbies<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve definitely got the solo travel bug now<\/a>, especially as it\u2019s given me much more confidence to use public transport in other countries. Travelling alone allows you to be more spontaneous and you see more when you\u2019re on your own. I\u2019d definitely do a group trip, too, and maybe go farther away, but only if there was an activity. I think an activity helps, because towards the end you can get very sick of your own company.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perhaps time to explore a solo group adventure like conquering the peaks of Peru<\/a> or exploring bucket-list China<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"fitness\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Did Flora miss Alex?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re used to being apart, so we\u2019d send the odd WhatsApp message, but that was it. There are definite benefits to separation and not having to think about someone else. The times I missed him were in the evenings \u2013 nobody likes eating alone \u2013 and the last two stops, which were Venice and Florence. They\u2019re so romantic and people are snogging around you. When I was there, I was thinking, \u2018Alex would like this.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more: What going to Disneyland alone taught me about being single<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Circumstances favoured Flora. Alex wanted to stay at home (his step-dad\u2019s okay, by the way), hates the idea of a train holiday and, because they\u2019ve travelled so much with work recently, the urge to flee these shores has been less pressing. They\u2019re also off to Portugal together in the next few weeks.<\/p>\n

But what if that\u2019s not your situation? What if your annual leave well is running dry? What if a solo trip munches on an enormous slice of your travel budget pie? Such pragmatic concerns might not squash the bug.<\/p>\n

Running solo travel past your partner<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you want to travel alone, talk to your partner,\u201d says Alpert. \u201cAsk if you can afford it, emotionally, financially and time-wise. Ask how it might become a possibility. Reassure them that they\u2019ll have enough support at home while you\u2019re away.<\/p>\n

“And be willing for it to be a quid pro quo arrangement \u2013 they might want to go away by themselves in the future. It\u2019s about negotiation. The rules will differ from relationship to relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more: Why travelling alone gives you the edge at work<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

These aren\u2019t the only issues when it comes to travelling without your partner. If you pack your bags and vamoose to Nepal to hike the Everest trail<\/a> with a group of like-minded strangers, you need to know that your relationship is as solid as the massive great rock looming above you.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re going away with a group of people,\u201d says Alpert, \u201cyour shared experience is going to be very intense, particularly if you have a common interest or goal.<\/p>\n

\u201cFriendships will form, so you need to be very careful and prepare for that \u2013 and be sure that your relationship is solid. It might make your partner more anxious, so take that into account.\u201d<\/p>\n

The answer is yes to travelling alone<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

One person who travels solo for his passion, but seems to have it all under control, is Chris, a 41-year old IT engineer.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s been with his partner, Helen, for more than 13 years and in each one of those years he\u2019s been on a snowboarding trip \u2013 nearly always without her. It ain\u2019t cheap, so swinging off to the slopes without her blessing could be more painful than face planting the piste.<\/p>\n

Read more: Travel and the extraordinary power of friendship<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHelen likes me to enjoy myself,\u201d he says. \u201cShe knows it makes me happy, that it\u2019s important to me, so she lets me go. I\u2019m doing an activity \u2013 it\u2019s not like I\u2019m heading off to Tenerife to lie by a pool. We plan around it, so there\u2019s no clash with holidays together. We only go away in the UK because we\u2019ve got a dog and don\u2019t like to leave it behind, so the money I spend isn\u2019t preventing us from going on some big trip. There\u2019s no \u2018deal\u2019, but if she wanted to go on a solo trip, I wouldn\u2019t receive that negatively.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cI used to be a backpacker, so I\u2019m very happy talking to strangers,\u201d Chris adds. \u201cI think it helps if you\u2019re a bit gregarious. I\u2019ve made friends on snowboarding trips that I still catch up with. I wouldn\u2019t mind visiting a few other countries, and I\u2019d definitely consider going by myself, but maybe I\u2019d miss her. I miss her a bit when I go away, but snowboarding keeps you distracted.\u201d<\/p>\n

The answer to the big question above is a resounding \u2018yes\u2019.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not only okay to travel solo when you\u2019re in a relationship, it should be encouraged, if both parties are happy.<\/p>\n

Read more: Want to travel solo? Don’t wait to be confident<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

But, as with all good things in life, moderation is key.<\/p>\n

If you travel alone too much, there is a chance you’ll drift apart. You could get used to life without each other and also create a gap; a gap that will<\/em> be filled, be it with, as Alpert says, \u201cknitting or a new partner\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cHolidays together are also essential,\u201d says Alpert. \u201cWe lead such busy lives, it\u2019s important to go away together at least once a year. You\u2019ll be less stressed and have more relaxed, intimate time together. It\u2019s no coincidence that couples have more sex on holiday.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy best advice would be to ask why<\/em> you want to go away on your own. If it\u2019s a burning ambition to hike the Inca Trail, then travelling by yourself is very healthy. If it\u2019s because you want a fortnight away from your wife and kids, maybe you should be seeking help instead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Ready for a solo adventure? Try these:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Discover the secrets of Vietnam & Cambodia<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

From the rice paddies of the Sapa valley to the wonders of Angkor Wat at sunrise, this is a 14-day solo travel adventure that takes in kayaking Halong Bay, the secrets of cooking Vietnamese and incredible 4-star hotels like the Shinta Mani.<\/p>\n

Take me there<\/a><\/p>\n

Excite your senses in bucket-list China<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"The<\/a><\/p>\n

Learn Kung-Fu in the shadow of the Temple of Heaven, explore Beijing from vintage motorcycle sidecars and watch an epic sun rise from a VIP private vantage point on the Great Wall of China.<\/p>\n

Take me there<\/a><\/p>\n

A wilderness weekend in Slovenia<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"paddleboarding\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Paddle board through the mythical beauty of Lake Bled, go canyoning in the rugged ravines of the Bohinj Valley and wallow in lakeside hot tubs after hiking through lush green valleys. A whirlwind weekend of adventure solo travel.<\/p>\n

Take me there<\/a><\/p>\n

Photos from Flash Pack and Shutterstock<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Solo holidays aren’t necessarily singles holidays. Andrew Dickens explains why it’s healthy to travel alone…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9033,9029],"tags":[107,130,108,109,110,92,111,148,458,1087,354,409,133,93,384],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13860"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13860"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13860\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13860"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13860"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13860"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}