{"id":12668,"date":"2018-02-14T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-14T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/flashpack.preview.uk.com\/2018\/02\/14\/direct-not-polite-why-straight-talking-wins-in-the-workplace\/"},"modified":"2023-04-18T16:49:24","modified_gmt":"2023-04-18T15:49:24","slug":"polite-direct-office-workplace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/solo\/careers\/polite-direct-office-workplace\/","title":{"rendered":"Direct, not polite: why straight-talking wins in the workplace"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Dutch have a form of straight-talking in the workplace, which, to the average mild-mannered Brit, sounds mildly terrifying.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Bespreekbaarheid&#8221;, as\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/travel\/story\/20180131-where-dutch-directness-comes-from\">BBC Travel<\/a>\u00a0explains, means\u00a0speakability; the notion that there are no taboos, and everything can and should be talked about.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I think the Netherlands are a place where\u2026 no-one is going to pretend. [For example], when you say something in a business meeting that is not a very smart suggestion, people will always point it out,\u201d says\u00a0Ben Coates, author of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/book\/show\/25860139-why-the-dutch-are-different\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why the Dutch Are Different<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>This creates\u00a0\u201cthe sense that people have the right to say whatever they want and be as direct as they want. And if other people don\u2019t like that, it\u2019s their fault for getting offended.\u201d<\/p>\n<div id=\"fb-root\"><\/div>\n<p><script async=\"1\" defer=\"1\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\" src=\"https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_GB\/sdk.js#xfbml=1&amp;version=v5.0\"><\/script><\/p>\n<div class=\"fb-video\" data-href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/worldeconomicforum\/videos\/10155112105656479\/\" data-width=\"500\">\n<blockquote cite=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/worldeconomicforum\/videos\/10155112105656479\/\" class=\"fb-xfbml-parse-ignore\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/worldeconomicforum\/videos\/10155112105656479\/\">This is the reason Dutch people are so direct<\/a><\/p>\n<p>There&#039;s even a word for it. Read more: http:\/\/wef.ch\/2BUOqNv<\/p>\n<p>Posted by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/worldeconomicforum\/\">World Economic Forum<\/a> on Monday, 5 February 2018<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<p>Rude? Perhaps so. But in one of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/society\/2011\/oct\/09\/politeness-good-manners-english\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">politest nations<\/a> on earth (Brits are <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/capital\/story\/20170309-three-tips-for-surviving-a-british-workplace\">twice as likely as Americans<\/a> to use the word &#8220;please&#8221; in corporate emails),\u00a0&#8220;Bespreekbaarheid&#8221; also sounds wonderfully refreshing.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s what we can learn from the Dutch and their ability to say it like it is:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Make more money<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11776\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/budget-goals.jpg\" alt=\"career break\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s easy to think that a fair smattering of &#8220;please&#8221; and &#8220;thank you&#8221; simply greases the wheels of a happy office. But the truth is more complicated than that.<\/p>\n<p>Politeness is linked to a tendency to hold back on our opinions and frustrations &#8211; which in turn, could be costing us millions in the workplace. One recent study found that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.telegraph.co.uk\/news\/uknews\/11696445\/Over-politeness-costing-Britain-millions.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">we&#8217;re so polite<\/a>, 20% of us wouldn&#8217;t challenge a client over unpaid work. A similar amount wouldn&#8217;t question a fraudulent expense, or haul someone up for spending too long at lunch.<\/p>\n<p>So, far from costing nothing, good manners are actually rather expensive; a problem that\u00a0&#8220;bespreekbaarheid&#8221; would surely solve.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Learn to ask questions<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12675\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/boss-work-career-balance-4.jpg\" alt=\"single women\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Politeness is corrosive in other ways, too.<\/p>\n<p>A ground-breaking survey found that working-class students lose out to their middle-class peers in the States because they&#8217;re <a href=\"http:\/\/www.telegraph.co.uk\/education\/educationnews\/9487174\/Working-class-pupils-lose-out-because-they-are-too-polite.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">&#8220;too polite&#8221;<\/a> to put their hands up at school. These children, the researchers said, &#8220;worried about making teachers mad or angry if they asked for help at the wrong time or in the wrong way&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>This reluctance was sparked not by their teachers, but their parents. Politeness, in other words, is learned and it can hold us back. Being direct, however, will mostly get you what you want.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Forget likeability<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11975\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/to-do.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Good manners are closely linked to likeability, something that&#8217;s caught up in the mire of gender politics.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;What our society teaches young girls, and I think it&#8217;s also something that&#8217;s quite difficult for even older women and self-professed feminists to shrug off, is that idea that likeability is an essential part of you,&#8221; says feminist and author <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecut.com\/2015\/05\/solid-advice-forget-about-being-likable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>This desire to be liked, she says, means that &#8220;you&#8217;re supposed to hold back sometimes&#8230; If you start thinking about being likable you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that\u2019s going to ruin your story.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Read more: <a href=\"\/insights\/2017\/10\/11\/work-life-30s-career-crisis\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Less work, more play &#8211; blitzing the mid-30s blues<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Being direct would help to break the perfect storm of polite, likeable and sorry that many women fall into\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.livescience.com\/8698-study-reveals-women-apologize.html\">in the workplace<\/a>.\u00a0At a time when the gender pay gap stands <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.co.uk\/news\/entertainment-arts-40657010\">at 18.1%<\/a>\u00a0in the UK, and there are more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/business\/2015\/mar\/06\/johns-davids-and-ians-outnumber-female-chief-executives-in-ftse-100\">men called John<\/a> leading FTSE 100 firms than women altogether,\u00a0 that can only be a good thing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Save precious time<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12669\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/time-office.jpg\" alt=\"direct\" width=\"3543\" height=\"2575\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Office life in Britain seems to revolve around a\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/capital\/story\/20150910-idiosyncrasies-of-a-british-office\">nuanced dance<\/a> of small talk and conflict avoidance; there are so many unwritten rules of communication.<\/p>\n<p>I know from my own personal experience that it&#8217;s hard to write a work message\u00a0without sprinkling it with a liberal helping of &#8220;please&#8221;, &#8220;thank you&#8221; and &#8220;would you mind if&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Set phrases that signal that \u2018I\u2019m doing this the right, polite way\u2019 are more important in British culture,&#8221; says Dr Lynne Murphy from the University of Sussex, who conducted <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/capital\/story\/20170309-three-tips-for-surviving-a-british-workplace\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">a study<\/a> on the topic.<\/p>\n<p>The Dutch concept of bluntness saves on all this dilly-dallying. They\u00a0don&#8217;t tiptoe around in circles at meetings, caveating everything they say to avoid hurt feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Direct\u00a0talkers literally use <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sbs.com.au\/topics\/life\/health\/article\/2018\/01\/25\/beginners-guide-being-blunt\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">less words and time<\/a> to get to the point. They simply say what they mean, and in doing so, get sh*t done. Efficient, no?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Get rid of hierarchy<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12670\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/hierarchy.jpg\" alt=\"direct\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Direct talk is a central facet of the Netherlands&#8217;\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.akteos.nl\/en\/dutch-business-culture-anecdotes-from-outside-the-fishbowl-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">famously egalitarian<\/a> work culture. The Dutch aren&#8217;t keen on power relationships or pulling rank; or, in fact, anything that might hint at inequality in the workplace.<\/p>\n<p>This relatively flat hierarchy means that you can say what you want, with no fear of consequence. Everyone&#8217;s opinion counts.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Read more: <a href=\"\/insights\/2017\/10\/09\/travel-world-career-break-sabattical\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why a travel break is the smartest career move you&#8217;ll make<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>As one visitor who worked in the Netherlands <a href=\"https:\/\/www.akteos.nl\/en\/dutch-business-culture-anecdotes-from-outside-the-fishbowl-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">pointed out<\/a>: \u201cI experienced occasions where a junior staff openly questioned and criticised\u00a0his boss\u2019s idea and surprisingly he did not even seem irritated by it at all.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Being direct helps to foster an open atmosphere where ideas and constructive criticism are welcome; a genius approach given autonomy in the workplace is a <a href=\"https:\/\/qz.com\/676144\/why-its-your-call-is-the-best-thing-you-can-say-to-keep-employees-happy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">key element<\/a> of happiness and productivity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Become more authentic<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12671\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Julia-Roberts-Erin-Brockovich.jpg\" alt=\"direct\" width=\"1464\" height=\"987\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Reciprocal politeness is a bit like a cushion; it&#8217;s a buffer to keep everyone happy and the world running smoothly. And yet, you can get too comfortable. Being overpolite can make you appear <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/melodywilding\/2016\/09\/06\/stop-over-apologizing-how-to-quit-saying-sorry-so-much\/#3e96fc811d12\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">weak and insincere<\/a> &#8211; and it gets in the way of saying what you mean, too.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;When clarity conflicts with politeness, in most cases \u2026 politeness supersedes. It is considered more important to avoid offence than to achieve clarity,&#8221; writes\u00a0linguistics professor <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sbs.com.au\/topics\/life\/health\/article\/2018\/01\/25\/beginners-guide-being-blunt\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Robin Lakoff<\/a>, in a book about socially acceptable language.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Read more: <a href=\"\/insights\/2017\/09\/18\/travelling-alone-solo-adventure\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Three great reasons why you should try travelling alone<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Being direct, on the other hand, is a synonym for honesty. Even on TV, characters who\u00a0shoot from the hip are eminently powerful: think Erin Brockovich (also a real-life muse), or Scandal&#8217;s Olivia Pope.<\/p>\n<p>Saying what you mean creates trust, even if it&#8217;s something that other people don&#8217;t want to hear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Encourage conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12672\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/conflict.jpg\" alt=\"direct\" width=\"1000\" height=\"647\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Avoiding conflict is a major motivation behind\u00a0our penchant for politeness; but this assumes that butting heads is always a bad thing. And that&#8217;s not always the case.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Clients sometimes tell us that their biggest problem is the lack of conflict in their organisations,&#8221; Robert McHenry, chief executive of business psychology consultancy OPP, tells <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ft.com\/content\/755d8364-9eb8-11dd-98bd-000077b07658\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">the FT<\/a>. &#8220;They say that autocratic senior leaders create a culture where people prefer to \u2018keep their head down\u2019 and not offer feedback or ideas; the anticipation of conflict inhibits performance.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Read more: <a href=\"\/insights\/2017\/09\/18\/single-alone-life-better-solo-travel\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How being single can enrich your life<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>This creates an atmosphere where frustrations bubble away beneath the surface, becoming far more toxic than if they were just aired to begin with. Direct talk brings everything out into the open and blitzes the tendency to &#8220;water-cooler whingeing&#8221;. Yes it can feel uncomfortable if you&#8217;re not used to it, but it&#8217;s far healthier than muddling through and keeping a lid on resentments.<\/p>\n<p><strong>How to get started<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12673\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/The-Netherlands.jpg\" alt=\"direct\" width=\"1000\" height=\"500\" \/><\/p>\n<p>For anyone who likes manners as much as I do, being direct is a challenge.<\/p>\n<p>Start by being as concise as possible in the way that you talk. Avoid the temptation to apologise or over-explain your point of view. Maintain eye contact, and keep your body language open and stay calm.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Read more: <a href=\"\/insights\/2018\/01\/08\/career-break-sabbatical-tips-advice\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Want a career break? Don&#8217;t overthink it\u00a0<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s worth considering that most of us <a href=\"http:\/\/www.columbia.edu\/~da358\/publications\/Pushing_in_the_dark.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">overestimate<\/a> how assertive we&#8217;re really being; so even if you feel like you&#8217;re being incredibly blunt, that&#8217;s probably not the case. It won&#8217;t always be easy, but remember, progress comes from difficult conversations. If you accept the potential for awkwardness, so much the better.<\/p>\n<p>Straight-talking doesn&#8217;t necessarily mean losing the politeness. Just don&#8217;t let it obscure what you&#8217;re trying to say.<\/p>\n<p><em>Photos: Shutterstock<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Dutch have a form of straight-talking in the workplace, which, to the average mild-mannered&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9031],"tags":[893,778,492,734,898,899,896,901,491,894,434,892,895,437,902,903,904,897,900,450,807],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12668"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12668\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandbox.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}